Four of my children are now in school and it leaves me with the baby who is 3 1/2 and a very good boy! I knew it would take quite a few weeks for a routine to settle in and for me to get used to the quiet.
I have one girl, who is my oldest at almost 13, and four boys ages 11, 9, 5, and 3. When the older three were little, I homeschooled them, we were active in our church, homeschool co-op, field trips, and I was also very involved in the dance ministry. I knew that I loved cooking and baking, walking through our woods, being with my husband always and living simply.My husband and I owned a landscape business (I was the book keeper)and we worked hard to save up to buy our own home.
When my now five year old was born, I put dance on the back burner to focus on my family, our co-op began to dwindle, we followed our pastor who began a new church, and my daughter started private school because I simply could not school her and my other children the way they needed to be schooled. A few months later, we found out we were going to have baby #5 and we also began looking for the house we had been working for. Our business was flourishing and things were so happy and secure. We found our dream home, an 1860 farm house on 2 acres in a nearby town, in the school district we desired.
After we moved in, it rained for a month causing landscape work to be delayed. Baby #4 was turning 2 and was turning out to be quite a handful! He would have screaming fits in the grocery store and at home and handling him was an exhausting all day event. We were in a new county and things were good, but different. We had a series of other things such as health and financial issues, but all these things were my new focus.
Maybe I grew up a little and lost some of the innocence from my 20's. Life just got harder.
My husband is starting a new job tomorrow. The economy had it's toll on us and our business. He will be working 12 hour shifts indoors all day when he used to being outside. It will mean more change, and I hope for the better. I will lose another title-book keeper/business owner.
I want to use this time to rediscover who Amity is again. I want to bake, cook ,clean, decorate, sew, and teach my little one the way I taught the olders.
I want to find out- who I am again.
2 comments:
I really relate to your post here. It's nice to know other moms feel the same way. I feel like I've lost my identity in a way. I need it back....quick.
As a mom, I can so understand.... And you will get there.... Trust God, seek His guidance and direction and Will for you.... and be genuine before Him.... And that doesn't guarantee that you won't feel a little lost a little farther down the way.... as our life changes, we adjust and "reinvent" ourselves for the life that God has put before us.
A very good post and one that I bet a lot of woman have felt and wanted to expreess but may not have...
Lifting you in prayer....
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